Love... Trust... Hope... Faith...

So I'll wait upon You now, with my hands released to You,
Where a little faith's enough to see mountains lift and move,
And I'll wait upon You now, dedicated to Your will,
To this love that will remain, a love that never fails...

just been on my mind... Thank you, Grace and Tiff, for listening and reminding me of God's precious plan for me and how my role is to support and give encouragement through prayer and patience...

Thank you both for reminding me of the importance of trusting God and knowing that He alone will be able to carry me through this time... :)

Relationships Schmelationships...

As life's challenges continue to overtake me, I have realized that I'm very slow in trusting God right now. It's gotten to a point where as much as I know He loves me, that He has great plans for me, that He knows and has plans for Kevin and I, that He truly will direct my path as long as I trust, I seem to hesitate.

In light of wedding and engagement season, I'm not expecting anything to change between Kevin and I. I'm not expecting that he propose because I know that we're not there yet and that we have plenty that we still need to get through before we are truly deemed ready for that next point in our lives. It's not that we don't want that next step but rather that we're making preparations towards our futures and it's not applicable for us to take that next step at this very moment. We will get to that point when God deems it right. It's been a rough week and a half between preparing for an upcoming wedding to talking about marriage and engagements and I know that when the going gets tough, even between the both of us, that there's beauty and growth within our struggles because it does draw us closer to each other and to a clearer understanding of who we are as individuals and how we will hopefully be able to mesh together as one...

Psalm 37:4 - 5 says: "Delight yourselves in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust Him and He will do this..."

Relationships, Engagements and Weddings... oy.

Soooo, I think I'm finally in this season now... the one I have always dreaded my entire life.... the one where I get asked day-in and day-out when my wedding is going to be... or when I'm going to date, when I'm going to have kids... etc.

Well, the dating part I had covered about a year and a half ago but of course, the more Kevin comes over for family functions and dinners, I anticipate the questions from my extended family members... And sure enough, this September, I got asked about 10 times during dinner... "When are you getting married? Are you getting married? Is this your fiancé? Are you serious with him? Are you getting engaged soon?" It was a never-ending barrage of questions.

Just a couple weeks ago, someone asked me "Oh, is that your husband?"

The only response I could come up with at the time was "No, not yet... In due time... God's got a time for that." That would have been enough to freak me out but I was pretty calm and collected.

And then.... I started hearing of people's engagements. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone that's gotten engaged but it's kinda overwhelming a bit...
I'm happy for Rich.
I'm THRILLED for Wendy and Jordan, haha. Totally not joking, we need to do a celebratory dinner with the two of them! :) hehehe eeeeee!

It's really exciting and I look forward to the weddings I'm attending this year and also in the next year.

But at the same time, it's terrifying, really, this idea of marriage. I know that I see a future with Kevin. I see marriage, I see kids. But deep down, I know God's going to open that door when it's time. Yes, it's hard to be in the waiting period but there's beauty that grows out of that and I trust that God knows exactly what I'm feeling and how to tackle all of that as the time goes by.

It's amazing how God brought us together. I never saw that coming in a million years. But I trust that God's got a plan for both of us and He'll take care of everything in our relationship as we grow closer to each other and more importantly, grow closer to God. I struggle so much with this idea of marriage because ultimately, I know that I do want that. I want to settle down and raise a family. But at the same time, I know that we're not there yet and we've got a ways to go because we're both pursuing options right now that will help us both prepare for the future. We're taking steps to outline a foundation that will serve as a stable point in each of our lives. We each have our own timeline but I'm comforted by the fact that God has his own and it doesn't always line up with ours.

This entire weekend was surrounded by talks about our relationship, our lives, housing options, engagement and marriage and where that leaves the two of us... And I was reminded that no matter how much we plan, God ultimately will direct us to be where we are and where we need to be should that be in the cards for the two of us....

Life is good. Changes and decisions on the horizon but God'll take care of all of that in due time...

So I'll wait upon You now, with my hands released to You,
Where a little faith's enough to see mountains lift and move,
And I'll wait upon You now, dedicated to Your will,
To this love that will remain, a love that never fails...

God's got me covered... I can trust that He'll take care of me and lead me through to the next stages of my life. :)

Can't Fight This Feeling... :)

Feels kind of representative of what I'm feeling... haha :)

Verse 1:
I can't fight this feeling any longer,
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow,
What started out as friendship has grown stronger,
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

Pre-Chorus:
And even as I wonder, I'm keeping you in sight,
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night,
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might...

Verse 2:
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you,
I've been running round in circles in my mind,
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find...

It's just interesting how life turns out... haha Kevin told me I was an awesome girlfriend today and it was funny because the lyrics of the song popped out as I heard the song... It's been an amazing 1.5 years. I'm still kind of in awe of the last year and a half. Sure, we've had our tiffs and arguments over stupid, silly things but we learn from them... We're going through everything together and we are closer because of it... We are heading places that we never really saw as options... :)

The part in bold reminded me of how freaked out we were (maybe more me than him?) when we first started discussing even the notion of being in a relationship with each other... how I came to realize that we had spoken a lot in the year before we dated and that we shared a lot of ourselves with each other before he even took the lead to define the relationship... how our friendship really did strengthen itself in the year before we started dating even though we hadn't spoken very much in the years prior... how we just kind of picked up where we left off as friends and just let God take the lead...haha it's as if we're in a dance with God and seeing exactly where the end of the dance is... I'm no longer afraid of facing paths together because that's what God has done with each of us...

Funny how Rich's engagement makes me think of these things...and what you now realize is so unbelievably more important than dwelling on his engagement... :) Still can't believe he's engaged but overall, I'm glad because I have my sisters, I have Kevin, I have my family, I have God... and all of them are actually in the country! :D That's the best gift of all...

It's my life... and that's my reality.

With that said, I am deliriously in love with my boyfriend and his silly antics. He always has the ability to make me laugh even when I'm mad...

::shakes head but smiles::

...Residual Feelings? Hmm...

So it's finally happened. And as much as I say that I'm okay, I guess I'm not truly there. I knew it was coming but I suppose it is still somewhat residual... The pain's still there at how it all ended but I know that it was not my place to try and force any relationship with him...

It's weird... I was so not trusting when God wanted to take this relationship away and I refused for a good month and a half before I finally gave up and didn't want to fight with God about it... God would not just let it go... And yet, all God needed was my following steps of faith to return some semblance of a relationship with him, albeit strange as he was one of my closest friends... BUT as I took those steps of faith I realized: I needed my sisters more than him, I needed to find my own worth in HIM and no one else, I was indeed a hot commodity (Rachel's words, not mine...) and that God cares for me so unbelievably much that HE would place it on two boys' hearts to pursue me, one of whom is now my boyfriend...

I find it odd that he was offended when he found out I started dating although I was never told that he was dating and found out through other people... I find it odd that I'm no longer the one initiating the conversation and that he is... I find it odd that despite knowing this was going to be the outcome, I didn't overanalyze or prepare myself better. I'm not the mess I was before and I'm very much in control of my feelings towards this now but I can honestly say that despite my feelings being somewhat residual, I am truly happy for him because he's found someone that can fit his mold. I must admit that as much as I wanted to be the person to fit his mold, I am the square peg that cannot fit into the round hole... I was the person that has to wait and learn these lessons on my own with my sisters. But while you would think that I would use this time to tell you that I regret this experience, I don't. It taught me so much about myself and how God was preparing me for my current relationship, one that has surpassed all of my own expectations. :) I'm GLAD it's not me...

I could not picture myself (and still can't picture it) in a future with him... And if I did still see it, I could hear Rachel and Grace screaming at me, voicing their still apparent disapproval... hehe...

And yet, within months of dating my boyfriend, I could see a future, one that involved marriage with children (please, no Al Bundy)... Seeing this future and knowing that two of my many girlfriends have stamped their approval, I know that it's real and that my boyfriend really is the one that I see myself with long term...

Knitting... Schooling... Life.

So, it's been quite busy...

I've taken on knitting and it's rather interesting how I now have like 15 scarves to make by Christmas? hahaha I officially issue the disclaimer that if you don't get it for Christmas, you will get it as a birthday present to use for a following winter season... hahaha :) Those of you that have birthdays before Christmas this year will get them next year haha :)

Schooling is intense. I have never seen so much work nor have I wanted to but I need to pass this year and doing it may kill me but I'm in it for the long haul... Continued prayers are very helpful, thanks!

Life is interesting. I have had eye-opening discussions in the past 24 hours that have challenged me and spoken a lot of truth to my life. One of them involved my relationship with KChan. To be completely honest, we both see marriage as a possibility and yet, there are so many things that we still need to get done before we're even ready for that. Our MA's, teaching and tenure, added experience, finances... And yet, life's worries take so much out of us... But despite that, I am realizing more and more that God's going to do this when He sees fit and that He's got this all planned out and will help us figure it out. It's not like He will stop providing for each of us or stop shaping us to become exactly who we need to be before marriage comes into the picture... Yes, we both have school and we both have many goals that we want to accomplish beforehand but I am comforted in knowing that God has my back...He's got all of this covered and doesn't want me to worry about it right now...

"I've never said that I won't still be here at the end of this road. I've never said that I wouldn't stick it out and be your support. I promised that I would be with you for the long haul because that's the reality of it... I am making that choice to wait it out with you because you're worth it and I need you to believe that, above all else. You're special and important to me; I love you and that won't change. God has His plans for us and we can get through each of these hurdles together."

The other conversation made me realize how sweet it really is to be loved by God, by friends, by family... It reminded me of the importance of spending time and communing with God. It made me realize that I love carving time out for friends and family even though I'm often running around like a chicken without a head but reminds me to also do the same when it comes to God.

Okie. NEEEED to FOCUS and get nerdified!

Back to Midterms, Observations, Exams, Work and Research...

I've gone bananas!

On top of teaching piano, working on campus and teaching music... and taking 18 credits... I've accepted the challenge of my family members to take a part in a WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE until 12/21/09 and THEN maintain it (without gaining more than 3% of the weight back) until 12/21/10 for a whopping pot of $500-600! :) haha it is really for my own good so that'll be fun...

3.5 miles on the elliptical, 500 calories later... my body wants to die but I just need to make it through the next 2-3 weeks for this to become a routine...

Let's do it! :)

Classes are slowly becoming more manageable as I continue to nerdify myself... :)

...Grad School...

I think my 6th grade elementary teacher was right... When hearing about my plans for this upcoming year, she said I was asking for a breakdown/meltdown.

After going to classes today, I realize that she knows me extremely well. She knows my dedication and work ethic. She also knows how much I love reading since I used to read in her class when I sat in the back of the room. That's how much I love reading... eeep.

But... I think I'm freaked out right now about school because it is positively terrifying. I sat through classes as though I were a zombie. I freaked because I didn't realize that it would be THAT complicated. But despite my fear and despair, I realize that I may have psyched myself out because I didn't really know what to expect and how it is really just the first day of classes... At the same time though, I realize now that grad school will not be a piece of cake and if I really want to surpass and graduate on the Dean's List, which is something I did not get to do in undergrad, I will have to work extremely hard for it... It's time to become a hermit. Yipes!

AHHH, I think I'm crazy. I think I'm headed for a meltdown. But I choose to remember the following...

"Papa's got me. It's going to be okay."

September Already?

Well, I must say that it has become one of the most interesting summers yet...

This summer, I tackled grad classes, which felt like nothing. I strengthened my relationships with others. I taught more piano. I worked and struggled with my health. I promised that I would work out and not KILL myself at such a young age. I reminded myself of the importance of prayer and letting go and letting God. I went to Maine with my family and my boyfriend. I played in countless rehearsals and performances. I played for OCM 8:30 morning service. I got a music teaching job! I am learning how to say no to other responsibilities that I unfortunately cannot keep in my schedule and still remain sane... :) o.O?

It has been very clear to me in this past summer of how God has been leading my steps with every opportunity He placed in front of me. I know that I had shared previously during one small group that there was one semester in college where I let it all go and left everything in God's hands. Scary thought but completely true! Well, it was the hopes of both my small group leaders and some friends that I would indeed be able to replicate that sentiment of letting go and letting God as I decided to quit my job and return to grad school full time.

However, as time passed and summer drew near, a number of odd things happened. Note: I do wish to clarify that statement by saying that these things were NOT ODD for God. First, I began to research teaching certifications in July as I started to prepare for a return to school. Second, I found that I could indeed obtain a fourth certification in music since God had previously opened the door to my completing a music minor during undergrad. Third, as I began to outline my studies, I determined I would only need 8 more credits to obtain and take a certification exam in music for my fourth certification. Following this discovery, I contacted professors to confirm that this would indeed be a possibility for me. I then began to consider my teaching experience in the music area and found that my niece's Christian school is looking for a part-time music teacher. As I prayed about whether or not God wanted me to pursue this as a way of earning a bit more in order to finance my own education, I prepared myself again by updating cover letters and my resume and forwarded it to the principal. Upon discussing this position further with the principal, I was informed that I would only be working about 4.5 hours each Friday. Since my travel commute time into Westchester would take further time out of my schedule, I prayed that I would also be extended an opportunity to teach the Kindergarten classes as well because that would lengthen my day by an extra two hours of pay. This past week, I was offered the opportunity to also teach the Kindergarten class at the school which would mean I am working a full 6 hours on Friday.

With that being said, I am even more aware of God's provision throughout the summer. As I prepared for school and wrote my letters of resignation, I began to realize just how important grad school would be. As I studied and put in grueling hours (with 2 near all-nighters already), I was rewarded by my diligence with a 3.9 for the summer semester, a first in all of my years at NYU. When I worried I would not be able to survive without working, God provided me with a work-study position at my former office of employment when I was an undergraduate student although they do not normally hire grad students to work there. When I worried about depleting all of my parents' savings in order to finance grad school, God provided yet another opportunity at my niece's school as the part-time music teacher along with a bunch of other students for individual piano lessons. As I am daunted right now with school and was recently contacted about the number of credits I have registered for in the fall, I am reminded again that God has paved a path for me in order to pursue and complete all of the things that I have always dreamed of doing. It may be a crazy year, but one that I will always be grateful for as God continued to show that He does indeed take care of His children and give them the desires of their heart as long as we are faithful in our commitments to Him.

As I sit here sinking in readings for classes although classes do not officially start until tomorrow, I realize that I am starting to doubt my own abilities to handle grad school. The work listed on each syllabus causes me to stare at my own reflection in FEAR and DESPAIR because I am terrified of failing when I am taking basically all my savings for the last year, my parents' savings and loans to finance grad school. I am reminded of my sheer desire to do well and excel.
I am reminded of my own promise to LET GO and LET GOD take care of me in this year since He clearly knows what He's doing...

So as I freak out about reading, I know that I will definitely be able to handle grad school work as long as I am diligent... Here's to praying God will come through although I know that He always does...

Remind me of this post when I lose my sanity... :)

Lab Results, Prayers, Fights and Work... oh! and the YANKEES! :D

So, I received my lab results on Friday and they'd like me to come in for some follow-up results just to ensure everything's okay... I'll have to schedule all of that tomorrow... so prayers would be quite helpful...

This morning's sermon reminded me about the importance of prayer... Prayers that would require me to truly lay everything down at God's feet as I once did during sophomore year of college to find me... yes, me completely NOT stressed and living it up... Prayers that would require me to truly let God do His thing...

Got into various fights and arguments with my other half about minor things... To be completely honest, we haven't fought about anything big... It's always about the minor things... Hm. Thoughts to ponder and pray about...

As for work... I officially started my new job on campus, which is basically working for my former department from undergrad but with a new department within my old department... I'm still working with the same people just under a different supervisor... This will definitely be entertaining and I look forward to the mundane simplicity of my job, which basically means I sit in front of a computer every day... It feels good to be back home...

:) I should use this blog more often... and of course, as always, I will have more substantial posts soon...

Good night, everyone...

And before I forget... my beloved Yankees played beautifully this weekend... 13-6, 2-0 in 15 innings, 5-0 and today's 5-2... We've officially "massacred" the BoSox this year and NOW we're 69-42 and Bahston is 62-48 (hehe after losing 4) haha :) That's right, baby... We SWEPT the BoSox and sent them home to Bahston where they belong...

and I'm TOTALLY going to rub it in their faces when I'm headed for Bahston this upcoming weekend hahahahha :) Posada T-Shirt... hehe sigh. :) I love my Yankees!

Dr. Appt Followup...

So apparently, my physical is now scheduled for Aug 28th at 3pm, which is 3 days from when my health insurance through my district expires... Not only that, but today's Women's Health appt was slightly odd. First of all, while I've not been the most health conscious and oriented person, I've always dreaded going to the doctor. Today was no different... However, I felt extremely uncomfortable today because it was a Women's Health appointment. In a way, I was fearful my doctor would tell me that I should have gotten myself checked out sooner but I guess I just dreaded finding out if there's anything wrong with me... I did get lectured about my weight gain, which I'm already working on... After the exam though, they went to do blood work on me and of course, could not find a vein... Had another nurse come in to draw the blood and finally was successful in taking out two tubes of blood...

Needless to say, now that it's over and I've been probed on the inside and out, I feel stranger. I guess it's because I worry a bit about these results. My mom has been adamant because she feels like my weight gain has something to do with my having diseases or something. She refuses to believe that I can just lose the weight and become the person I used to be. With her, something has to be wrong for me to be as fat as I am... Even as I got home last night, I got yelled at for not working out enough by my dad... He said if I didn't get my figure back while I'm young, I'd turn into my sister who never returned to her original figure after she got pregnant and had 3 kids...

I'll have my bloodwork results back by tomorrow or Monday, at the latest... and then I have to wait until August 28th for my physical... which will talk about cholesterol and etc. But at least in the meantime, I can work out for SOME results... On the flip side, the dentist appointment is next week and that's another thing that I dread... I've always hated the dentist and this trip is a long time coming... It's been years since I've seen a dentist... Personally, I've always just hated the dentist... The drill, the tools, the picking... sigh.

Wendy's right... We go to doctors just so they can yell at us for not taking better care of ourselves...

Ok, time to fill up the water bottle, and head out for a dinner date with Jenn Chu! :)

more on my day later... when I get home.

Doctor Appts galore!

So in accordance with my mom's wishes on how I should be taking better care of myself...

I have a bunch of appointments before I start school... and the desire to amply prepare myself for my Maine vacay with the family, which means more working out... My body will eventually applaud me for my efforts...

off to take the train into the city to get myself checked out... maybe I should have gotten that weekly pass after all... sigh.

Oh well... :) I gotta do what I gotta do...

prayers, please... :)

July 30th!

Haha. Does it seem like I'm really thinking ahead?

I am so ready for the summer to just officially start... Grad School, while great, is killing me... It may actually be the fact that I went into the summer semester just as my regular school year was finishing... and that may be why I'm so tired...

A lot of people wonder why I'm so busy even when it's summer and to be honest, my summers have always been to hang out with sisters, teach piano, randomly bum around... and now my summer is filled with classes, rushing around from plans with so and so to dinners with another person... and then on top of that, there's spending time with the boyfriend and supporting him at the Alliance tournament.... I do realize that it is not my duty to attend these games but do so because I genuinely want to support him... He never really wants me to go out of my way to be there for him or attend trips with his kids at CPC but I want to go... It's fun and I like most of his kids...

It has been argued (through at least two *minor* fights) that he does not want to burden me with his issues and problems because I have enough on my plate as it is... But that brings up the question of how I am supposed to share his burdens and him mine as we go about this dating relationship... But that also requires patience on my part because to be honest, I don't really mind sharing my burdens with others because I take comfort in the accountability that happens after I share and I suppose it is harder for him to share, not because he's unwilling to, but maybe because I do have a lot on my plate... sigh, I suppose it'll take more work...

On the flip side... I am sitting here blogging as opposed to working on my thematic unit plan becuse I am a bit flustered on how exactly this will come together...

more musings after the 30th... MUST complete THEMATIC UNIT.... by 11am! I purposely made a lunch date before my class so I don't put it off.... Hmm, what do you think? is it possible to accomplish?

I can do this!

So... I've officially concluded that I am beyond fat...

I need to get down to a weight that will leave me not only lighter but also happier. My weight has been the bane of my existence. Therefore, now that I've lost 4.2 pounds this past week and look to another week of success, I am hoping that I will be able to get down to my target weight of 110-115 by next June... around my birthday time.

My mother has continued to reiterate the notion that I need to be thinner... and I do believe that I could be a lot healthier if I were a bit less fat. But I am giving myself this year to breathe and focus on my own health... I know that I can do this with everyone's help and support... So let's get that show on the road... :)

I am sure that I can lose at least another 15 lbs by summer's end, another 20 by christmas, and the rest by June... It shouldn't be too bad since I was able to lose 33 lbs in about 7 months and maintain for another 8 months before I got too busy to work out again...

I have been pondering a lot about this fact that I will be unemployed and I look to it with a bit of pause... I do not regret having quit my job in this state of economic turmoil but I am definitely amused at how I am getting a variety of job opportunity emails from my network of advisors, job agencies, etc. I am very amused because this at least is somewhat of a comfort. I always knew that having dual certification for teaching both ESL and Spanish from the K-12 levels would be extremely beneficial. Now as I continue this particular degree, the emails that I have gotten only seem to reiterate the point that God will take care of me this year and open up a plethora of opportunities next year... And for that, I am both grateful AND excited...

Though very work-heavy, I am excited to be in school again and returning to a campus that I've loved over the years... NYU is home to me and I look forward to more IV Bible Studies, more big-sib/lil-sib dates, more introspective musings, and most of all, a group of friends I know I will always be able to count on... I look forward to solidifying my ties to Hosanna, although still relatively difficult. This year of transition leaves me hopeful for the rest of the years I spend there... no matter how long that actually will be...

I find great comfort in my boyfriend as he has continued to push and challenge me... It's been a very interesting 16 months and I'm still completely in awe of all that God's done and excited for what God's going to do... I'm still really happy and the butterflies still remain...

God has done so much in this last year that leaves me still speechless and shocked at the blessings He continues to pour out... In this last year, I have learned so much about support from my sisters, huge transitions, my passion for teaching, loving co-workers, and the love and support from my boyfriend. He has remained very constant in my life and while I don't know if this is a good thing, I can never stay mad at him... and he knows it! The conversations and fun banter that we go through never ceases to amaze me and still leaves a smile on my face...

Ok... time to get back to work before class starts in about an hour and a half...

I'm sooooo COLD! Brrrrr...

Note to self: Don't RUSH out of the house without a SWEATSHIRT!

SOOOOOO COLD in the lab!!! Outlet is by the A/C vent which is blasting! and the sun isn't helping...

still coughing and nose is still running... blah. Kchan! grrr. You got me sick!

Busyness... Part 2

Okay... So now, a post about grad school classes and true busyness...

I officially quit my job at the end of June... And I am officially unemployed and digging a huge hole of debt for myself as I return to NYU full time for my MA in TESOL. Oh boy, has it been a roller-coaster ride...

Not only am I fatter than I've ever been, but I've also signed up for 3 grad school classes... all in 3 week summer-intensives for a total of $11K because that's not pricey at all... I've been given the opportunity to finish my MA in ONE YEAR and walk with the Class of 2010 next May. In order to do so, I have to take 3 classes over the summer for a total of 9 credits and then finish up 26 credits (14 in the fall; 12 in the spring) during the academic school year.

I have fared well so far. I've already gotten an A- in class #1, will be getting a grade for class #2 approximately 2 weeks from now and will be getting a grade for class #3 by the first week of August.

Then it's time for a Classroom Management Workshop class called "Coping with Disruptive Student Behaviors" for 3 days (Aug 3, 4, 5 from 8:30-1:30)...

And THEN summer vacation can truly begin...

I return to school on Sept 8th (the same day I would have returned to work for Valley Stream) and will then figure the rest of my life out as I go along... I look forward to completing my degree and returning to some form of normalcy with my classes (though all in the evening). It is time to focus on my health and not let it fall by the wayside anymore. It is also time to focus more on the fact that with God on my side, I cannot truly face opposition... I can handle everything that God puts before me and it is a wondrous miracle that I got through my first year of teaching...

God, a little help would be very nice... so that I can stay sane... :)

Busyness... and Musing...

I'm officially transferring my xanga onto this blog. It appears to be a bit easier to create and compose blogs. Therefore, I will share with you my latest musing from my xanga. This particular entry was submitted at around 2am on Monday/Tuesday

HAHA. I just realized that I have no idea how to use this page to post blogs and stuff... It's definitely been a long time if I can't even remember that... To recap my entire year would be positively atrocious at this hour... so I leave you with the following thoughts on the year that I just went through...

I started teaching; I loved being in the classroom... I loved having the 5 classes... I hated the 2 buildings. It was so hard traveling and making sure all my bases were covered with each... Honestly, one of the hardest things was all the paperwork for both locations... It was like college all over again; only about 10 times worse. One of my department chairs was psycho; the other was getting her divorce finalized (and it's still an ongoing battle)... Gosh, this past year of my life was horrifyingly challenging BUT I walked away being secure in my teaching ability, loving my classes, prepared to try out new techniques when I get back into the classroom after this one-year hiatus, and with a passion for teaching that I didn't realize I still had after this year... I quit my job at the end of the year to pursue a Master's degree in TESOL, one that I will be finishing within a year with a scholarship(!) and an opportunity to work at my former place of employment with co-workers that I still love... God put me through one of the most challenging years of my life and still managed to surprise me with the scholarship and the grad school opportunity... He is amazingly good.

I finally started dating a wonderful, caring man... hahaha He really is. Let's just say that God finally said "ok" and confirmed both of our plans in the weirdest way possible but one that was totally original... We have at least 3 separate anniversaries, among others that could just be our "quasi-dating" period... March 20th, May 21st and July 4th... We just passed our Anniversary #3... And I'm still amazed at how God brought us together but for Him to do it in such a way that left me speechless, you know that's definitely God... I asked God to provide 3 different things when I finally realized my own tendencies for emotional dating relationships. I asked that God would provide a man who would be straightforward and honest with me, a man who would keep God in the relationship, and a man who would be willing to wait for God's confirmation. Ironically enough, this all happened rather oddly by my standards and completely normal on God's... So in April of 2007, I attended a sister's baptism and her dinner. At that dinner, I bumped into a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a while. Well, after this dinner, we started talking again and getting reacquainted... During this time, I happened to be involved in an emotional dating relationship that God was going to rupture. God broke all of that up in a really heartbreaking, gut-wrenching experience but ultimately, one that He redeemed beautifully... Well, this friend of at least 7-8 years at the time started IMing me more and more and I found myself liking him again... Now, mind you, I liked this person since the day I met him in around 2000 but it was a little difficult at the time to consider relationships... Regardless, we would chat about a variety of different things and lo and behold, our friendship grew deeper while my heart was in its healing process. Fast forward to Feb of 2009 (a couple days after his 29th bday), he IMed me while I'm sick and DTRed with me... We both agreed we would stay friends, get to know each other better and pray for God's confirmation despite our own feelings. And I'm now in an amazing relationship with this man... He knows me unbelievably well and purposely does things to push my buttons... My parents like him and approve... My nieces and nephews love and adore him... My sister and brother-in-law both approve... Our friends approve... What more could I need?

To show evidence of that love...
My niece Chi Chi woke me up yesterday and said...
Ferfer! Where's Uncle Kevin? Can you go drive him here? I want to play with him! Please, ferfer, will you do it?
...and upon his arrival at my house...
My nephew CS sees him and says so nonchalantly...
Hi Kev! [and runs to greet him with a hug]

This one, I'm not surprised by. He will learn to call my bf "Uncle Kevin" in due time. He hasn't mastered the difficult two-syllable words... though he does talk a bit more now. He's turning 3 in Dec.

I'm amazingly blessed in more ways than one.

And with that recap... I'm off to bed. I'm beyond beat [in a tired sort of way] from my long day...

...i need to rest up for there's more work for me to do tomorrow...